Patience; the new endurance sport.

Newport, RI.  Last year I anticipated this run so long before I got here, but I accidentally got up too late, ran facing the sun, and was dehydrated and miserable by the time I finished.  It's called Ocean Drive/Brenton Point.  It's it's a really pretty road that winds along beautiful old (palacial) homes & their manicured lawns, and the point where it smells like seaweed and brine.  This year I ran the opposite way, starting out on Bellevue (running in the shade of the trees plated along the roads of all those huge old mansions that belonged to the Vanderbilts, the Rockerfellers, the Astors, etc).  and ran the point, and back toward Ft. Adams (where the music will play all today and tommorrow), cut through the middle near the high school and then back over to Bellvue.  I started out at 6:00 a.m. (that's 4:00 am. for those of you in Utah) and when I got back a few hours later, my sister was waiting for me to take her on a walk.  So we went out the door again for another 5 mile walk along the Cliff Walk behind the mansions.  I usually love that walk, but there were too many people out  and it was already sweltering by 8:30 so it made the path crowded and not as pleasant. But still it is always wonderful to see the sufers and breath the ocean air, tinged with the smell of sweet honeysuckle while considering what life might have been like for a Rockerfeller in 1901.  I love this place.

Still in Newport.  Yesterday was spectacular weather.  I got up at 6:00 to run cliff walk this morning.  It was overcast so the water was not as sparkely and blue as the days when the sun shines. The ocean here changes every day. Yesterday there was swell and lots of surfers, today nothing.  I love Newport for it's tiny cobblestoned streets, bricked in sidewalks, flowerbox windows, whitesteepled churches, and a harbor filled with sail boats.  I ran easily today, first the cliff then a little around town.  I had to get back to have breakfast with the friends who are leaving back to New York today, and my sister who also leaves for DC this afternoon.  I am sad my vacation is ending.  Sad to say goodbye to my sis. But we had a long good visit over these past 2 weeks. I wish however that the music festival would not be the last of my vacation.  It's bittersweet to see my my good friends who I crave to see all year and then also have to say 'goodbye' in the same breath.  Regardless, it's been a really good long vacation, and I have decompressed completely.  I feel healed and strong, and pretty ready to get back to the business of real life.....in a few more days.  I really, really, really miss my kids.  It's been 6 days since they went home to Utah from South Carolina.  I guess that's a good thing to miss them.

I ran the Salem bike Trail over to Marblehead.  The day is bright and clear so Marblehead bay was clean and blue. The trail is a lovely gravel drive that is totally covered in native New England flowers and plants.  Last year I bought an Audubon book just to identify the flowers here and pressed some into my vacation journal. Today I went into the tiny, old cemetaries on Marblehead to look for my favorite graves and refresh my memory of their wise and poetic eptiaphs.  "As you are now, so once was I....." reads one headstone from the 1670's.  This one always strikes me.  I'm staying the rest of my time at my friend's 150 year old home in Salem, MA.  They just moved into a 150 year old home about 3 blocks away from the place they've lived for the past 10 years.  This new home is unbelievable, 3 floors and many rooms.  They have refinished and furnished it in period pieces.  They are both excellent craftsmen and artists, so you can imagine how well the house is put together.  It's lovely.  Anway, I'll be in Boston this afternoon winding down my adventure, which should end tommorrow.  I have enjoyed all the running on the beach, through lonely country roads surrounded by fields of soy beans and cotton, and down tiny New England streets. I have a few memories in the bank now to recall on those sad, bleary Utah winter days.

I didn't run yesterday because it was my last day in MA.  I spent the whole day in downtown Boston. I got up early, started in the North End (where all the great Italian Bakeries and Restaurants are) and then walked the whole circle of town (through Beacon Hill, Boston Commons, Public Gardens, down Commonwealth Ave and to the Boston Museam of Fine arts).  I didn't even take the T.  No one can accuse me of wasting a single mili-second of these past 2 weeks and I have run and walked hundreds of miles.  I finished my day (before jumping on the plane) by eating another biscotti biscuit (I'd purchased in the morning at the bakery) with hazlenut gelato looking over the Charles River onto the sail boats, while revisiting memories of the days before.  This morning found me on my own bike trail back in Utah-- in utter shock and something close to despair that it was over just as quickly as it began.  I let the visual difference in the trees, plants, and flowers with all their different shades of green, sink into my conciousness.  I noted how no sweat ran in rivulets down my face or arms.  The air is so dry here, I'd forgotten how sweat drys into salt on you skin.  There are so many ways I have to pick up the pieces where I left off on July 17th; School, soccer, piano, Life.  Hmm.  (Double Hmmm). Only 365 more days until the next time I can do that again.  It was wonderful.  Now I have to be satisfied with the memories, like leftovers in the fridge. 

Today was slow going (9:18 ave).  I have not had enough water to drink upon reentry to our desert valley. I just realized that Hobble Creek is 2 weeks away, and that I should be deep into SGM training.  I've ramped up my weekday mileage, but so far have not run anything above 13 since June.   I'm feeling pretty good right now, but that all changes once I start pulling 17-23's on Saturdays.  I hate to ruin my fun running. I love running on vacation.  Everyone who was with me kept saying " I don't know how you do it" meaning, run on vacation every day.  I guess it's that I really do love to run, and when I have no time constraints, or other stress, I want to run more, not less.  I've only got 2 more weeks before the kids go back to school and we're all fighting for that prime time between 6:00- 7:30 a.m.  So I'll try to do my best to take advantage of the next 14 days before that whole grind begins anew.   

What's up with the air quality?  It's like a sandstrom in the Gobi Desert.  It was pretty easy to get a 8:42 average.  Pretty decent for me.  I sure can run faster when I only have to go 5 miles! 

10:27/11:49/11:32/11:42/11:35/11:20/8:51/9:04/8:50/9:07/9:06/9:05/9:11/8:56

A good friend from Berkely showed up on Thursday with his new girlfriend--she must pass muster and so they were passing through Provo on their way to Bryce/Zion's park.Last night at a bar-b-que we had with some friends, he made me promise I'd run the trail with his her this morning.  I was intimidated because she seemed like this hard core runner, but turns out she runs easy-breezy12 minute miles. So I ran her down the trail to the jetti on the lake (6 miles) while we chatted about life in Hercules and San Francico, Marin County.  I really miss that area.  The lake was army green and it was windy, so there were lots of waves whipping up in the breeze, and black birds scattered agains the dark blue sky with av receeding moon. Just a few days ago, I watched the same moon from the rooftop of the Vanderbilt Hotel rise against the back drop of a white steepled Epsicopalian Church and the Newport Harbor, but I digress. So this morning was gorgeous, fun to show it off to our bay area friends.  I left my guest at 6 miles and went back for another 8 at my own pace.  I'm supposed to do 17 today, but I have to be at Pineview Resevoir for a family reunin at 11:00 so I'll have to do another 3 tonight.  I haven't really had a second of downtime since I've been home.  Which,  I guess is a good thing to fill up all my post-vacation slump with friends and end-of-summer reunions.  I felt really strong on those last 8.  I'm so pleased it's coming easier.  I really think I had the swine flu back in June.  I never got tested for it, but it took a month to recover.  I think I'm back to 100%.  Happy, busy Saturday everyone!  I made thai chicken salad with somen noodles and peanut satay chicken for today and can't wait to eat it.  Yum.

Wow, that was a weekend and a half--right down to a late, late Sunday night. I could hardly get out of bed this morning and when I was finished with my run I fell asleep in the tub for about 20 minutes (woke up because the water was cold).  I ran 'fast' on every other triangle (1/16th of a mile) so half my run was top effort 8:37/8:52/8:39/8:45/8:46.  I sprinted the last 1/16th. My lower back is acting up a bit but.  I'd better get more religious about my strengthening/stretching excersizes again.  Well, it's Monday.  I haven't had a mental break down since coming back from Vacation 5 days ago-- but who knows, now that I'm getting back to the same old routine this week, I could maybe slip one in sometime on Wednesday.

8:33/8:54/8:07/8:47/8:40/8:29/8:59  (8:37 ave).  Yay! I get to count all my miles as 'fast' miles two days in a row (my criteria is anything under 9:00.  I bumped into Sarah P. on the trail this morning-- she's lookin' hot y'all.  You should see her.  Sasha ran past us a little ways down the trail, and then she had to turn around.  I took off and tried to run really hard. It took some doing to wring that 8:07 out of me.  When I got back I saw my friend had called...I  talked a good friend from back East into simultaneously doing the famous lemon/maplesyrup/cayenne cleanse with me this week.  It had only been two hours into his day when he called already shaky and faint.  Then I started freaking out that he's going to have a seizure or a diabetic episode or something.  Maybe men just can't fast as easily as women. I hope he'll benefit from it, I always do.  I just started it last night, so we'll see how it goes. Wish me luck, it's another cash for clunkers media day....

Of couse, I'm the only one left fasting 24 hours later.  He said he couldn't concentrate, was lightheaded, and  admitted being weak and not being able to handle it. The big baby poo-poo head (althought I really was worried he'd have a seizure or something).  So, even though I was doing it only to support his purposes--I am self-obligated to finish what I start.  I said I'd go 2 days.  I will go 2 days--even if it's pointless.  So I'm still fasting.  I took my miles really slowly today 9:22 av.  I was going to run 8 this morning-- but cut back a bit because I'm going to give Saturday my best shot for 17.  Catherine called-- 3 weeks into physical therapy --and wants to try and do the long run with me on Sat.  I had planned to maybe go up to the JRP to run with the girls up there.  But I have not seen Catherine since June and I miss her.  So, here I am weak and feeling stupid that I must finish my fast because of my own dumb rules about finishing what I start--even though the purpose was not my own.  I can't wait for Saturday--though, I'm not looking forward to those long-long runs in the next few weeks.

Nothing ever tasted so good as garden tomatoes & cucumbers, Italian plums off the tree. Eating is so delicious when you're me.  I pick such good food and I love it so much.  I miss it when I don't have it.  The upside of the fasting is being small for 2 days.  I actually think the little weight loss made running easier--either that or I really did benefit from the cleanse.  I feel fantastic.

9:03/8:55/8:45/9:07/8:38  I didn't even look at the Garmin until I was done, and was pleased how easy and enjoyable my 'taper' 5 miles was.  I'm doing 17 w/ Cath tommorrow and looking forward to not having any time restraints in the morning.  Just as I was getting off the trail, I passed Sasha who's usual look of intensity and determination while running was sharply contrasted to chubby, adorable, happy William, all snug and lumpy on one side of the double stroller Sasha was pushing.  Now THAT, is what I call resistance training ( I pushed a double stroller for 5 years until there was well over 100 pounds of kid in there).  So I am the first to say: nothing in my book deserves a medal more than that.  Daddy taking his baby for jog first thing in the morning to give Mom a few minutes of peace.  I imagined Sarah was at home in a bubble bath (which is what I'd be doing, but knowing Sarah, she was probably doing something productive with her free arms).

It has been chilly ever since I got back to Utah.  Today's temps felt like late Sept.  But the morning was gorgeous. Early morning, presented a pale blue sky, with a thin sliver of moon, and single star.  The lake was still, unlike all these other windy mornings.  My Garmin was way off the first 3 miles. It would'nt mark the mile in the usual place, and then said I'd run a 10 minute mile when I know that was'nt right because I was sprinting every other 1/16th.  I reset it after 3, and it behaved.  I wonder if the satellite shifted positions recently.  Ran into Sarah, and gave her my progress report for Penny's by the Inch.  Me and my daughter will be heading up a campaign here in our neighborhood.  I had planned to only run 8 miles this morning, but ran that extra mile to chat with Sarah.  Not bad to get 9 in on a Monday.  Better enjoy these mornings.  I'm not looking forward to Wedensday when everyone goes back to school, soccer, piano, scouts, YW.  I'm dreading Science Fair Projects, research projects, reports, daily homework, etc. I may just have to start going in late to work (until after SGM) so I can run after everyone's out the door for school.  I didn't get to do all the things I wanted to do this Summer, but it was a nice  break from school and I had a lot of fun with my kids.

8:47/8:29/8:28/8:16/8:30/8:42/8:32 It is perfect running weather and I'm feeling strong.  This is exactly where I hope to be one month from now (time wise anyway, because location-wise I could think of at least 2 other places I'd rather be).

I can already feel the crushing tedium of the school year routine setting in.  6:30 a.m. found me in the kitchen packing lunches, cooking breakfast and thinking: "I could be running right now."   Because I get equal satisfaction from work and from running, this is the time of the year I fantasize about quitting my job so I can run later in the morning (and also have the house to myself for the rest of the day).   The only difference is that no one pays me to run-- so that always tips the cost to benefit ratio.  Man, I'm already sick of school, and they haven't even come home with their homework yet.  Some women have the trouble of pushing their children to be successful so they can live vicarously thorugh their children's accomplishments.  I don't have that problem.  I am the most self-centered, selfish mother on the planet.  I am actually incovenienced because my kid is in honors English and Algebra and was recruited for a great AAA soccer team.  The only thing I can think of is "That much soccer and homework will ruin my schedule."  The good thing about being that self-involved is that my kids can always be sure that their successes are their own.  I can promise you, that aside from providing a roof over their heads, few nutritious meals a day, and tucking them into bed at night--that whatever good they acheive in this world will be a testiment to their own character.  They are such good kids, and I am such a selfish woman.

9:18/9:03/8:57/8:44/8:17  Ok I'm calmer about the school thing today.  But that's probably because I only had 5 miles to run this morning, and was able to fit it in between when the last kid was out the door, and when I had to be to work by 9:00.  It's anything longer than 5 that is hard because I either have to get up at 5:00 am and run in the dark, or be late for work, or run at lunch in the heat.  I guess it's always like this the month before a marathon/when I'm aiming for 40-50 mile weeks. Yesterday, everyone had a great first day of school and then...my daughter handed me her game schedule. Games all over the freeking state for the next 3 months every Friday and Saturday.  Not to mention Jr. Jazz from October-March for my son starting in October.  I keep reminding myself that this is the great benefit to living in Utah-- lots of kids, organized sports, good schools, decent, amazing people, caring & involved neighbors.  I guess a big part of me craves solitary isolation and neglect of my childhood.  We had no choices and we were bored out of our minds most days, which made doing chores the best enterainment around.  I survived, and  just look at me now! I'm 100% (ok, at least 85%) functional in society.   So I'm always torn between gratitude for the opportunities Utah affords my children and my desire to run away from here.  I was really meant for farm living.  Single minded hard work every day that does not allow for thinking or wallowing, and the children must work just as hard as the Mom.  That way of life makes good kids, but hardly anyone lives that way anymore.  Why can't I just be grateful and calm like everybody else?  That would help.  I'm freaking a little.  Can you tell I'm freaking?  Sorry.

Tommorrow is Hobble Creek Half marathon. I hope it's a good experience.  I'm feeling strong, but not very social right now.  In fact, I am having a really hard time finding the bright side of things lately, things that really should be bright.  So here are my positive thoughts for today:  I am healthy, my children are healthy, the sky is blue and still, and I love the onset of September.  I was lucky to be outside before 8:30 in the morning, and my dogs have now had some excersize.  I'm going to lunch with friends, and I have some free, unconstructed time coming up this weekend.  Let's just pause here for now. 

Mindy and Catherine picked me up at 5:15 and  we drove frantically in the dark freaked out by the detours and construction.  We found Erin, and loaded the buses with no problem at all.   It was warm by the time we started and a lovely down hill trot for those first 7 miles.  I really let it out on the downhill and gave it a pretty good shot today.  I did have to stop to use the POP at mile 10 and I stopped to drink (at the 3 stations).  But normally my big weakness is the last 2 miles of any race.  Not this race.  I just kept saying to myself:  What if I just keep running?  What if I give it my best?  I'd say it was an 80% effort overall, and certainly toward the end I did push the last half mile.  As proof of my effort, after crossing the finish, I had to hold onto the chain link fence of finisher’s corridor as I dry heaved my way up to the chip takers.  They kept yelling for people to stay in order, but at least 4 people passed me up while I was trying not to hurl in that confined a space.  Of course the first 7 miles was like eating candy-- all down hill.  It sure gave me a leg up when it was time to finish the race.  The run was gorgeous along the creek.  I truly enjoyed around mile 4 when all the excited chatter calms to the quiet, solid sound of feet hitting the pavement.  That's always my favorite part of a race, when people retreat into their minds and it's just the runners, and their pure mental tenacity working their way through the miles.  I passed a lot of people in this race, so I got a lot of encouraging comments from other runners "that-a-girl" "hey, no passing!"  "Keep it up" "looking strong".  I loved the encouragement; particularly because I was trying and it was working.  I had a little trouble through mile 12, but like I said really picked it up to finish strong. The clock said 1:50 at the finish line, but I was one of the LAST people to go across the start.  Finished about 3 minutes behind Cath who said we were 2-3 minutes behind the gun. So my guess is my time was 1:47/48.  I'll turn this into a race report once the final numbers are in.  After the race, Catherine go really sick (hyponeutremia). Her electrolytes get freaky.  So we were by the ambulance for a bit with the oxygen and Gatorade. But I think she'll be ok....she does this almost every race and seems to bounce back in a few hours.  In spite of Catherine's slow recovery, I got to say see many my running friends.  Didn't recognize Leandra until she'd passed me after the finish!  Chatted with Kellie (who's on fasciitis duty)(good girl for not running).  Saw my good pals Marisa and Dave, who did awesome (in the 1:35 range), chatted a bit with MaryAnn, and best of all saw Josse and her Mama (and of course Josse's kids and sis Erika).   It's funny, I was really regretting having signed up and paid for this race even as late as yesterday afternoon.  I always regret paying money for a 13 mile run you can map out and do on you own for free.  But you just never know what shared experiences await if you just get out there.  Of course, post-race endorphins are pretty awesome too. Spits are as follows: 8:26/7:45/7:51/7:37/7:46/7:39/8:13/8:26/8:35/8:54/8:32/8:46/8:29

The running was not too bad, but I took it pretty slow. The fact that it was a still, gorgeous, wide blue-skied, placid silver lake, summer morning helped me tremendously.  Legs felt great, but my back is still a little tender. The thing about having really excellent massage therapy is that it releases the muscles that 'hold you together'.  I am so grateful not to be in pain, but it feels like training: day 1.  I feel 'undone'; but dang if I can't turn my head side-to-side and  windmill my arms!  So there's that.  I'd like just once not not to be psychosymatic, but this whole back thing is just a symptom of my life swallowing me whole and leaving me to understand my small place in the greater scheme of world.  My happiness, my comfort, my acheivements matters so little--which is what hurts me. I am like a matchstick floating on a stormy sea (and that sea is comprised of busy-tweenish-know-it-all-children). 

So many things went wrong since Saturday morning.  I didn't get enough protein after the race, I didn't ice, I didn't stretch properly, I slept on the ground two nights in a row.....By Monday morning, I could not move my head.  I'd screwed up both  my upper and my lower back.  Even after 800 mg of Ibuprofen,  I still considered lying in bed all day, but then thought immobility might be worse than limited movement.  By yesterday, I was in so much pain, I  called a massage therapist friend and he gave me an hour and a half massage on just my back and glutes.  My upper back responded, my lower back still hurts.  I hobbled through 4 miles on legs that felt like dried jerky.  I could blame it all on the big effort on Saturday, but I felt so good after the race-- not one thing hurt during or after the race.  I honestly think sleeping on the ground did me in (it was the last days of Summer for my kids, was I supposed to say no? I'm always such a party-pooper when it comes to camping).  I have 18 miles to run on Saturday and if I don't get these 2 long runs in, SG is all messed up.  I was doing so well!!  How could this happen?  It's always something.

As soon as I got onto the trail today, I happned to join a 5K in progress (the Senior Challenge).  It was a bunch of pretty good lookin' old guys.  I ran with a couple of guys who were probably in their mid 60's.  Their course ended only about 3/4 of a mile into my run.  Then they were setting up a film shoot down "alligator park" (it's where you can score some meth or spot the pedefiles/flashers on a pretty regular basis).  Two big vans filled with top-of-the-line camera equipment, camera dolleys, sound equipment.  My guess is, they were using the area because it's pretty and by the river with a clear view of Mt. Timp.  Obvioulsy they were filiming something major--it was a serious production.  I wish I could have stayed to ask and see what was up.  Since yesterday, I keep thinking about Michelle, McKenzie, Kellie and Marion wrestling that pig into the barrel at Payson Onion Days on Labor Day weekend.  To begin with, I have a real attraction to kitchy home-spun city days (ie: Coon-Dog days in Franklin, NC ).  I may just have to go witness those girls get that pig into the barrel for myself.  Michelle wants to win the $200 prize, Marion is worried she'll lose her shorts in the process. I would give money to see either. Ahh, the spectacle of rodeo events. It's moments like these that make me wonder if whoever invented the term 'white supremecy' was trying to be ironic.  My back is still a little sore, but a lot better.  I have my long run w/ Cath tommorrow. We'll try it and see how it goes the rest of Saturday.  TGIF.

I have a few things to say about this run and this week.  Regarding today:  I'm so glad Smooth came because Catherine would not have had anyone to run/pace with.  I really want her to qualify for Boston and she needs to get used to doing long distances running within a minute of her marathon pace.  But by the time we were at mile 3 I knew something was seriously wrong with me.  First of all, I've been incredibly fatigued since last Saturday. I fought my way through 3 days of intense and scary back pain, but mostly, I wrested myself through a deeply personal, emotional and spiritual darkness for the past 2 weeks. I hesitate to write this because the blog is the place to fly my running freak flag and release my inner nerd. I am not looking for sympathy (for the 3 of you who read this). I just need to record how much of a toll this personal issue has cost my mental, emotional and now physical health.  I have given too much thought, time, and energy to this sad issue.  I believed time would pass, which would eventually lesson my pain.  But I gave it a lot of space, and now, as in times of high stress and emotional difficulty, my throat has constricted itself and I have not been able to speak with a clear voice, or take a deep breath for almost 7 days. This happens on occasion when I speak of something highly emotional to me or before or after an important (high stress) meeting.  But all of this culminated in the single worst running experience of my life. By mile 16 I was struggling to maintain 12 minute miles. I laid down twice and literally felt my extremities go cold (like shock).  I was losing conciousness.  I had let the girls go ahead of me some miles back and so I started looking for someone with a cel phone, and considered hitchhiking back to base.  Fortunately three other runners were still behind me, passed and took the message back to Catherine to come get me back at mile 17.  Walking was no relief, I could not have even walked that last mile.  I know I've got to get to the doctor if this thing with my throat doesn't pass.  I can't ignore not being able to breath or speak. And as with my back, it's all so perfectly psychosymptomatic to my inner struggle:  I am no longer able to breath freely or speak my mind.  I will do a better job of seeking spiritual solace and also mental distraction this week. This is funny though, around mile 14, I was saying a prayer in my mind, not just to get through the run, but really asking for guidance in my life right now.  I had been sort of looking at the ground while having this mental devotional, and my last thought was "please speak to me".  At just the moment I turned my line of vision back to the road, my eye caught a Gatorade bottle someone had stashed in the bushes along the side.  The bottle was turned in just a way that the white bold lettering of the motto was the most visible thing to me.  I was suddenly struck that God was speaking to me through Gatorade.  The bottle said:  Be Tough!

Ok moving right along....um, slowly.  I think the pressure of training for SG is part of the problem.  From now on, I will focus on Spring and Summer marathons only (maybe Ogden and Park City, or TOU).  It's just too hard to balance the hardcore training once the Fall schedules and reduced a.m. daylight kick in.  I don't have the emotional or physical energy to spare once Summer is over.  Sunday was a restful day for me.  After feeling more mentally and physically rested. I went to a good friend's birthday party in the Avenues.  In attendance was a group of girls I lived in Spain and trapsed around Europe with for a year. One of us was missing because she was attending Burning Man.  So by the end of the night we made a pledge that next year at this time we would all be at Burning Man.  Just the idea of it gave me a little something extra.  So I'm good for today.